dogs feel shame

According to this article, dogs experience complex emotions like jealousy, pride, and DYING OF EMBARRASSMENT. This dog is wearing a scarf with ears. Over his real ears. Why? Whyyyyyy?

I'm sorry if you know her

If you know this person, and if this post offends you on her behalf, then I'm sorry. But I had to take this opportunity to discuss how "ironically funny-ugly" can be taken too far. In fact, ironcially funny-ugly only works if a person is actually naturally pretty. It's like wings and waffles. It has to be sweet and savory. It can't be savory and savory, or there is no irony. Do you understand? So, if you know this person and you are offended, then I'm sorry I called her funny-ugly, but you really need to have a talk with her.

Huh?

overheard in the war room

• Blaine: I took the "which muppet are you?" quiz.
• Alison: Who were you?
• Blaine: Guess.
• Alison: Rolf the Dog?
• Blaine: No
• Alison: Kermit the Frog?
• Blaine: Yes

• Alison: Which one am I?
• Blaine: Cookie Monster.
• Alison: Why Cookie Monster?
• Blaine: Wild Man.
• Alison: You mean Animal? Why Animal?
• Blaine: The Crazy Chef.
• Alison: Forget it.
  

pop quiz!

If you are one of the three people who reads this blog, you should ace this quiz. Thanks for the tip, Ashley!

parenting compatibility test:

Parenting compatibility test, courtesy of Boden (http://www.bodenusa.com/).

Me: Blaine, look at this photo.

Me: What's wrong with it?

Blaine: They're kids.

Me: And?

Blaine: They're dressed like hookers?

Me: And?

Blaine: They're acting like hookers?

Me: And?

Blaine: They're drinking?
Me: Correct.

Okay, maybe they're not acting like hookers, but the one in the middle is definitely going to grow up to be the girl that "forgets" to wear her undies while getting out of the limo.

Shit like that explains shit like this:

Way to go, media.

Question:

What is the worst button you could possibly push when trying to put someone on hold?

Answer:

We know this because Blaine has done this. Twice.

Case study #001:

(phone rings)

• Blaine: Hello?
• Caller: Yes, my name is Mr. Lawyerpants. I'm calling about some work that we did with you a while back. I have some questions about the research data from our case.
• Blaine: (in a smooth-talking radio dj voice) Mr. Lawyerpants, of course! Nice to hear from you again. May I put you on hold?
• Caller: Certainly.
• Blaine: (yelling down the hallway) HEY AL!!! There's this guy on the phone who says he worked with us. He has some questions about something.
• Alison: Who is it?
• Blaine: Mr. Attorneysocks, I don't know. He's on line 1.
• Alison: What does he want?
• Blaine: (irritated) How should I know? Just pick up line 1!
• Alison (attempting to pick up line 1) I can't pick up line 1; you're on line 1. Did you put him on hold?
• Blaine: Oh, @*#&!!!!

Case study #002:

(phone rings)

• Blaine: Hello?
• Caller: Hi, my name is Mr. Saleseyguy and I work for Gotgreatstuff. Can I talk to the person in charge of making decisions about buying stuff?
• Blaine (in a smooth-talking radio dj voice): Sure, please hold.
• Caller: Thanks.
• Blaine (yelling down the hallway) AL!!!! There's someone on line 1 who wants to sell us stuff! Too bad you already have someone who sells you stuff! Guess this guy is SOL! HAHahahaha!
• Alison: (attempting to pick up line 1) I can't pick up line 1; you're on line 1. Did you put him on hold?
• Blaine: OH @*#&!!!!

And THAT's why we don't answer the phones.

p.s. Administrative professionals' day is April 22.