overheard on vacation

• A man on a cell phone: "I swear to GOD, I was NEVER married to that woman!!!" (Um, do we really need to get God involved? Why don't we just call the county clerk's office?)
  
• An older woman to a young man who offered to carry her bag: "Look, I am Croatian! I lift everything! I can lift you!" (Okay, but what if he's Croatian too?)
  
• A woman on a cell phone: "Well, I'm in the Florida Keys right now, but I can still give you directions. Take West Alabama to Shepherd -- the corner with the Bookstop on it -- then turn left; it will take you to Westheimer and you can go from there." (Jeez. Don't forget to tell her that you can't go left on Westheimer from Shepherd).