Friday, August 29, 2008

please read this book 3


This book is about Cayce Pollard (don't fret, he tells you how to pronounce it. . . eventually), a branding consultant, or"coolhunter," who is so physiologically attuned to brands and logos that she has been known to have panic attacks at the sight of Louis Vuitton luggage. Companies and advertisers revere her and hire her to go out into the world and identify the next big trend.

Here is how Cayce reacts when confronted with a mountain of Tommy Hilfiger at a London department store:

My God, don’t they know? This stuff is simulacra of simulacra of simulacra. A diluted tincture of Ralph Lauren, who had himself diluted the glory days of Brooks Brothers, who themselves had stepped on the product of Jermyn Street and Savile Row, flavoring their ready-to-wear with liberal lashings of polo knit and regimental stripes. But Tommy surely is the null point, the black hole. There must be some Tommy Hilfiger event horizon, beyond which it is impossible to be more derivative, more removed from the source, more devoid of soul.
This book is totally hip and suspenseful and will make the three hours you spend in the airport waiting for Continental Airlines to fix its "routine maintenance issue" just fly by.

Question:

What are the hippest tennies that $16.00 can buy?

Answer:


I'm sure they're made of toxic Chinese paper and will disintegrate the first time it rains, but for now: in your FACE, economy!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

midlife crisis mobile

Oh sure, I almost caused a five-car pile-up attempting to take this photo with my Blackberry while driving down Westheimer, but I still somehow feel superior to this guy.

bake yourself, fool!

Cricket is the only dog I've ever had who didn't try to make a break for FREEDOM every time the front door opened. When she goes outside, all she wants to do is bake herself on the hot concrete until I scrape her up with a spatula and drag her inside.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The DNC

Are you watching this? I really tried, but it's too excruciatingly boring. Who are these people? It's like watching the Academy Awards for technical merit. Can you believe Jim Leach didn't win for lighting design? Bring back John Edwards!!!

no shame in her game 2!!!

Let's say it's 4:30 on a Sunday and you and your friend Louise want to go to a matinee of Mamma Mia, but you're scared to go to the Marq*E on I-10 because you don't want to get shivved in the McRibs and you're avoiding the River Oaks 3 because you don't want to be inside when the Weingarten family finally swings the wrecking ball. The Angelika would be perfect if you didn't have to walk so far from the parking garage. *Sigh* If only they made some kind of space-age people mover thingie. . .

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

you kill the joe, you make some mo'!

and other office meditations. . .


Friday, August 15, 2008

NBC's new gymnastics commentator


adds that extra something special to the Olympics coverage, don't you think?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

please read this book 2

The last time I begged people to read a book, it didn't go over very well. I think this is because, back then, I was asking people to get all outraged with me over how much corn we unknowingly eat. There was a lot of science and history. It was boring. This time, it's all about work gossip and your co-workers and how sucky they can be but also how sublime they can be. Were you working in an office in Austin at any time from 1999 to 2001? If you were, you should read this book. If the word zeitgeist doesn't come to mind, then you were not working in an office in Austin at any time from 1999 to 2001. Read this book and then call me to reminisce about your kooky co-workers. And don't forget to label your Slim Fast.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Cleveland!

This pretty much sums it up:


Friday, August 1, 2008

Question:

Why would you pour $2.50 down the toilet?



Answer: