no shame in her game!!!

Look, I don't care how you feel about kids on leashes, if you're trying to move three kids under age 5 -- one of whom you have to carry and two of whom could dust your middle-aged, slipper-in-the-airport-wearing ass in the blink of an eye -- through George Bush Intercontinental Airport at the height of summer vacation travel season, then I think it's completely reasonable for you to tether the two mobile ones to your side. I like to think that this woman is not a sadist but instead took a good, hard look at her situation and (correctly) concluded: "I am FUCKED." So she did what she had to do to keep from appearing on the 10:00 news. Good for her.

Since we're on the subject of how to move through Bush Intercontinental Airport, here is a list of travel DON'Ts from a business traveler who has logged more than 400,000 miles in the last four years:

• When you're checking in with Continental (which has gone 100% kiosk), DON'T get to the front of the line and stand there, mouth agape, waiting to be beckoned by a ticket agent to one of the thousand empty kiosks laid out before you. They put the kiosks there so you wouldn't have to wait for a ticket agent! You wouldn't wait for someone to invite you to take the first open port-o-potty at some hippy Phish-concert, would you? Just go to the first open kiosk, so the people in line behind you can get on with their lives.
• DON'T walk five abreast through the corridors of the airport at .00001 mph with your heads in the clouds, chatting about how many strawberry daiquiris you drank in Jacksonville FL, as passengers who are about to miss their connections try to weave around you.
• DON'T think it's cute to disregard your assigned seat on the plane and sit in the exit row seats (more legroom) hoping that the person who really has that seat won't call you on it. ("Well, it was worth a try! Ha ha!" -- No, it really wasn't, because now everyone on this plane knows you're THAT guy and they hate you.)
• While you're at it, DON'T ask to trade your center seat with someone who has a window/aisle seat so you can sit with your new girlfriend. Nobody cares.
• And finally, when retrieving your checked baggage, DON'T stand shoulder-to-shoulder with your shins against the carousel, watching other people's bags pass you by as you simultaneously block their access to said bags. ("Red Rover, Red Rover, let the guy who owns this olive green American Tourister come over!") STAND BACK, you can rush the carousel when you actually see your bag.

Harsh? Maybe. True? DEFINITELY. I admit it: I need a vacation. I wonder if I could take a good one without going through the airport?