The hucksters at Skymall, who have remained solvent by assiduously underestimating the intelligence of the American public, appear to be turning over a new leaf. Before the economic downturn/recession/depression of 2008, most Skymall merchandise seemed to mock us with their luxurious frivolity.
Take for example "Instant Armrest," which asks "Why spend hours resting your elbow on the hard, narrow factory door panel?" and retails for $19.95 (not to be confused with the "Road Rest" also sold by Skymall, which comes in tan or gray and retails for $24.95). My answer to Skymall: of course I want to cruise down the road with my arm comfortably resting on the door panel, but I shouldn't have to choose between that and my prescription drugs!
Recently, though, there have been signs that the good people of Skymall have heard our pleas. Many of the products on offer in the October catalog seem almost tailor-made to help us through these difficult financial times.
Pet Observation Dome - $29.95
When your tech stocks were riding high, did you spend your weekends watching marathons of "The Dog Whisperer" on the National Geographic channel? Did you then become convinced that your doggie needed to be socialized and exercised for hours and hours each day? And did you then decide that the best way to accomplish this goal was to enroll your "baby" in doggie day care (one named Doggie Woggie or Gucci Poochie) for thirty bucks a day? Typical yuppie mistake. I don't blame you; I blame Cesar Millan. Much to Mr. Millan's chagrin, the new and improved Skymall has your back! Rather than spend $30 each time you take FiFi to school, why not spend $30 just once on the pet observation dome? Step 1: cut a hole in your fence. Step 2: put your dome in the fence. Step 3: make your doggie look through the dome!
Portable Office - $39.99
I for one am relieved to know that the escalating price of chairs will not hinder my productivity!
Airchamber Covers - $799.00 - $999.00
Oops. Did you forget to buy a house before you bought your Ferrari F430 Spider? Don't feel bad; it happens to the best of us! Instead of taking your masterpiece back to the dealership, why not consider storing it in a giant Ziploc baggie? Using this Ziploc baggie is arguably better than any dumb garage would be since the baggie protects your car and lets you rub your neighbors' noses in it. Take that, rest of the trailer park! Thanks Skymall!!!
2 comments:
You know how I know you've been traveling too much? By the way, you forgot this one.
http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102244915&c=10600&cm_sp=Recommend-_-TopPicks-_-DeptPage102244915
I for one long for a replica of Harry Potter's wand (http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102165321&c=69781301). The tip lights up and everything.
Thanks, Skymall, for helping me flesh out my Christmas list while on my delayed flights from Houston, to Cincinnati, to Hartford, to the Arctic University.
p.s. I miss you already
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