On the way to work this morning, the first two radio stations I tuned in to (yes, I live in the dark ages) were playing 1) with arms wide open, by Creed featuring the insufferably insufferable Scott Stapp and 2) underneath your clothes, by the insufferably flat stomach of Shakira (I bet a dollar that if you click on the Shakira link, you don't make it past 00:36.) My friend Ba and I have a jihad against singers who can only make noises using the backs of their throats. My duties in this jihad consist mostly of (a) screaming "Yeaaarrgh" and changing the channel or (b) not changing the channel, but singing the song in an exaggerated and mocking way such that my version is exponentially more annoying than the original could ever have been with the express purpose of replacing my version in the minds of innocent bystanders (e.g., passengers in my car) thus causing them to hate the song as much as I do if only because they can't stand the thought of my singing it and yet they can think of nothing else the next time the song comes on (see, e.g., Brian Cronin and Wonderwall by the delightfully British Gallagher brothers). This morning, I used tactic (b) on Blaine (yes, we spend 24 hours a day together) to great effect. I only wish I could have toggled between the two songs, so I could knock out two infidels with one car ride. Now I will devote myself to enemy combatant #1 -- 4 Non-Blondes. Viva la Revolucion!
3 comments:
Another good song for the jihad: "Cumbersome" by Seven Mary Three. "I have become cumbersome / to this world / I have become cumbersome / to that squirrel!"
I cannot hear Natalie Merchant without hearing you doing the exaggerated & mocking thing. It was a little bit Tourette-ish because I asked you (politely) to stop and you didn't/couldn't. It wasn't even that I wanted to hear the song, it was that I was afraid you'd be fired if you didn't/couldn't stop soon.
Yes! Natalie Merchant. Good one. She is an infidel and a woman. Two strikes. didn't vs. couldn't is irrelevant in this holy war!
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