miso ear-y

Miso ear-y

me itchy long time!

Since last week, Cricket's ear has smelled like miso with a side of limburger cheese. The vet was surprised that I know what my dog's ear smells like. Good thing I didn't also mention that I spoon her and know that leftover salad leaves give her the toots.

invention that will make somebody rich

Grass flavored dog food (with bits of real stick!)

Old Navy makes you helpless

If this commercial is to be believed, Old Navy clothes render you incapable of performing simple everyday tasks such as: 1) making a phone call, 2) looking someone directly in the eye, 3) remembering not to leave your purse on the side of the road, 4) deciding for yourself whether to flirt with boys, and 5) opening a door. I'm even giving this girl a pass on the whole "deciding which shoes to wear" thing because this would be nearly impossible for me if I had as many shoes as she has, even if my Old Navy scarf wasn't sucking my brain cells dry.

This commercial irks me so much that I can't even enjoy it in that it's-pleasingly-annoying-like-an-Oasis-song sort of way. I just want to jump into my television and give that girl a big slap across the face. If he has to dial the phone for you and open the door, he won't respect you in the morning!

ready for summer?

Sunscreen? -- Check!

Bathing suit? -- Check!

The most delicious, refreshing, bubbly drink ever made? -- Check!

Protection against $4.00/gallon gas?

. . . Check!!!

hey, hey, hey, goodbye!

Smell of burning oil
Out of warranty, alas
Prius here I come!

Am I too ______ for this?

Until recently, the only serious question I would ask myself when deciding on a wardrobe purchase was, "Am I too fat for this?" Now, however, the foremost question on my mind is, "Am I too old for this?" This is very dangerous territory for a girl (lady?) who still makes 65% of her clothing purchases in the juniors' department at Target.

My first clue that it was maybe time to cross the aisle to the womens' section was that I completely stopped relating to the articles in my magazines. Lucky, seriously, who are we kidding? Does a 33-year-old really need to know how to match minidresses with motorcycle boots? I mean, even if I could, should I? Or how about Lucky's earnest desire to teach me how to wear three shades of the same color in one outift? I could maybe do this, if the color was black. Then it dawned on me, I started subscribing to this magazine five years ago. Oops.

Now that I know I've moved from one target demographic to another, I wonder about things like almost-black nail polish, the razored bob, ankle boots, and yes, skinny jeans. Also, I think some entire websites may need to be erased from my memory bank because the temptation is too great. Take Urban Outfitters, for example. Even though I love these sandals:

They also sell this shirt, which I almost bought online until I tried it on in the store and didn't look all cool and nonchalant like this young girl but rather like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie.

Delia's will definitely have to go, even though they sell this dress:

Because the vast majority of their stuff, while also tempting, looks more like this:

And I'm definitely too old for that nonsense, right?

I wore them

During a trip to NYC last year, I got carried away and bought a pair of skinny jeans. Even at the point of purchase, I knew that there was a greater than 50% chance that the skinny jeans would remain in my closet with the tags still attached until they were someday drafted -- unworn -- into the Salvation Army. Much to my surprise, a perfect opportunity to wear them arose last month when we went to the drake. Sure, we weren't the hippest people in the club (that honor would maybe go to the gals who were doing a totally non-ironic Paris Hilton-at-Hyde-as-described-by-Us Weekly impersonation -- dancing on banquettes, lots of hair flipping, etc.) but I did wear the jeans with heels and that has to count for something.