I received some very distressing news today. It appears that Whole Food's inexorable march toward world domination has finally arrived at my doorstep. They came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist; then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew; now they're coming for me and there is no one left to speak up because this is the town where it makes sense to have two huge Starbucks at the same intersection, so having two ginormous Whole Foods Megalomarts within five miles of each other makes sense too! While I know that the arrival of a 50,000 square foot paradise of organic fruits and veggies would be like manna from heaven to some people, to me it signifies an impending crapload of uppityness. Uppityness will hail not from the store, which I actually happen to like, and not from the store's employees, who are usually knowledgeable and sincere, but from the clientele, who (especially in this part of town) treat things such as meditating, exfoliating, and getting through the checkout line like a competition worthy of the first Olympiad. Mind you, I'm not saying that I'm not uppity, just that I fear the intense concentration of uppity that the Whole Foods parking lot will engender. It will be a black hole of uppity (or maybe a Big Bang of uppity, whichever would be scarier). And in conclusion: uppity.
2 comments:
Uppity like people who run marathons. I got ya. Now get on down there in your Prius and sneer at the gas-guzzlers.
I sent this article with excitement to Clay. We need it because we don't run marathons. We don't even run upstairs. Because we don't have stairs. And our cats poop in our house.
Post a Comment