the future vice president of the United States?

Hey, if Sarah Palin can do it, so can she! Come on, U.S. Americans!


I think that if most U.S. Americans could have access to maps, then they would know how close Alaska is to Russia and the land boundary of Canada and like such as.

keratin is mean

more than meets the eye

Late Friday night and into the early hours of Saturday, Blaine, Cricket and I took cover in our downstairs bedroom as 110 mph winds swirled around us, rattling the windows and howling down the streets. We listened to radio reports of transformers exploding all across Houston, showering the streets with bluish green sparks and leaving 95% of our city in total darkness. The cable went out around 11:00, never to return. Our lights flickered, but they always came back on. We christened our transformer Optimus Prime. There were acts of heroism (Blaine prevented the palm tree in our neighbor's yard from falling on us simply by staring it down for two full hours as Cricket and I napped on the bed) and acts of treachery (if it's brown, you FLUSH IT DOWN!) as the human condition was ripped from its protective wrapping and exposed for all to see. It's Wednesday now and we still have power (and a large dose of survivor guilt); everyone else we know is without. The best part of this hurricane is that we've gotten to spend time with our friends and family, even if they are just coming over to sit in the A/C and charge their cell phones. My parents have been staying with us since Saturday. When my father arrived, he came bearing a Cuisinart and his own canister of King Arthur flour. We ate an apple galette and flaunted our ability to use appliances. There are lines for everything: lines to get into Kroger, lines to get gas, lines to get into the nail salon (what?) I'll post some photos that we took in our hood. Thanks for checking in with us, we're going to be okay.

yoga pants and a henley tee

So far, our hurricane prep has looked a lot like what we do before we receive a houseguest. We've hidden all of our knick-knacky junk in cabinets so they don't turn into projectiles, we did the dishes, washed towels, made sure everything had batteries, and tried to get as much work out of the way as possible so that we can devote our attention to our guest. I also just took a shower since the city may have to turn our water off at some point during the storm. After that I got dressed. This took me a while because how the hell do you dress for a hurricane?

here we go again

At the behest of my mayor, I attempted to evacuate before Hurricane Rita in 2005. I left at 4:30a.m. and spent seventeen hours in gridlock slowly going insane. I was running low on gas, not using the A/C, and had nothing to eat but liquified peanut butter. I never even made it to the Beltway before I had to turn around or face being stranded on the side of the road. By the time I got home after 8:00 that night, the stores were closed, the streets were deserted, and I was terrified. Thankfully, we did not take a direct hit and I did not even lose power. Even better, every single restaurant in Chinatown was open for business. This time we're sheltering in place, again at the behest of my mayor. We have water, peanut butter and bananas, and a crapload of dog food. Keep your fingers crossed!

sunday morning at Starbucks

Sexy guys and hot wheels:

Plentiful parking (two spaces for each BMW!):

Two Starbucks stores at the same intersection.

And the seven-year-old who ordered a tall skinny latte.

experimental food night!

Sometimes it pays off; other times you forget to use the bottom half of the broiler pan and your house smells like burned turkey juice. This time it paid off.

step away from the Kool Aid

Blaine has taken this political season pretty hard. I could do an interpretive dance of his emotions over the last two weeks, but how do you express anger, confusion, anxiety, and shame all at once? The other day he turned to me, tears spilling onto his cheeks, and confessed that he had been inspired by the democrats' speeches last week and embarrassed by the republicans' -- not to mention the Star Spangled Banner sung by Gretchen Wilson, John Rich, and COWBOY TROY?!? (just YouTube it). Anyway, just when I thought he could sink no further, he turns to me tonight during Sarah Palin's speech and says, "You know? She's a lot like you."

abomination!!!

I haven't seen this atrocity in its entirety but I bet it has a happy ending! Every time I hear the opening notes, I stand up, yell "ABOMINATION!" and change the channel. Sometimes, if I can't find the remote in time, I just run from the room screaming "Yeaaaaarrrrrrrr" like a pirate, with my hands over my ears like Warren (the same reaction I had whenever Constantine Maroulis would appear on American Idol). Sameness! Frivolity! Lack of angst! Lack of teenage awkwardness! NO INSECURITY!!! This is so, so wrong. Up yours, J.C. Penny!

she's leaving home

My cousin Ashley is starting college, like right NOW! She should be most of the way through her orientation at this point, so here's your chance to save her from the mistakes you made. Post a comment giving her some sisterly (or motherly) advice. I'll begin with my own hard-won gem: "Just because you can eat belgian waffles in the cafeteria every day for every meal, doesn't mean you should." You can see that she's already mastered the sorority-girl pose, so give her something she can use (buying a new five-pack of Hanes Her Way at the Walgreen's so she can put off laundry for another week, for example)!

my platform: awesomeness

I just got the best spam ever from Nordstrom! I was invited to join their online advisory panel, whereby I get to offer my advice on how to create a better shopping experience for Nordstrom customers. My first order of business when I take office will be to demand more shapeless dresses!!! I will propose that the retail space Nordstrom is currently wasting on belts and Spanx be reallocated to square-shaped muumuus and all things with no waistlines. Yes we can!!!

say a prayer. . .